


The TV Remote Wars

by A_Damned_Scientist



Category: Farscape
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-11
Updated: 2016-05-11
Packaged: 2018-06-07 18:53:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6820081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Damned_Scientist/pseuds/A_Damned_Scientist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John and Aeryn argue over the TV remote. Or rather, they dont argue. Just like a normal couple.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The TV Remote Wars

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a short exchange on the Word Association Game on Terra Firma that J&A ought to have a fight over the remote like any normal couple, followed by a strong suggestion that I should write a fic about it. So here goes.
> 
> There aren’t enough impromptu fics these days. There aren’t enough readers of Farscape fics these days. But I hope someone reads this and I hope it raises a titter. 
> 
> No beta, sadly, but that’s just the way it goes sometimes. Written directly to the TF board, just for giggles
> 
> Disclaimer: Not mine, and no money was made in the torturing of this once happy couple.

John could be such a frelling drannit at times!

Aeryn clenched her teeth and then ground them together as she realised that once again her fingers were curling and uncurling, reflexively, at the top of her thigh. She knew full well that her hand was trying to find the pulse-pistol-that-wasn’t-currently-there and she knew full well that her hand was doing it because, once again, John was clutching the TV/vid remote control in one hand and a bottle of fillip nectar in the other while rewatching one of his stupid ‘Three Stupids’ vids. 

His inane laughter at the entirely unfunny antics on the TV screen only made it worse. Right now, she felt like spacing him.

It wouldn’t have been so bad if he had been watching one of his marginally less inane sports vids. At least games such as the entirely inappropriately named ‘football’ were a stylised form of combat. As such she could appreciate the sports vids, even if she saw little point in watching the same games over and over. 

Aeryn, however, had wanted to watch her Sesame Street vids with Deke and Joolie, but had been forced to send the youngsters to their rooms so they wouldn’t have to witness either yet another ‘disagreement’ between their parents or any more of John’s frankly wholly inappropriate favoured TV.

John laughed again at something idiotic on the TV. Aeryn briefly considered strangling him into silence and wrestling the remote off of him, only dismissing the idea because the fekkik would probably take it as an invitation to frell rather than a rebuke and intervention on her part.

“Wassamatter, baby?” John asked, barely looking her way long enough to form such an opinion, in Aeryn’s considered opinion. Damn. She must have muttered something to herself, thus attracting his attention.

“Nothing,” Aeryn growled between gritted teeth. If he couldn’t tell, then she certainly wasn’t going to tell him. He should Just Know.

“You don’t look or sound like nothing’s the matter,” John unwisely persisted, swigging from his bottle and stashing the remote out of sight between his buttock and the chair. “You look tense…” He burped. Aeryn seethed.

“It’s nothing!” Aeryn repeated and stood. “Everything is just fine!” she added as she stomped from the room. In one way, she was really pleased with herself – before Pilot had taught her how to be passive-aggressive she probably would have just hit him and been done with it. She really was More than just a Peacekeeper these days. Shame that John wasn’t More than just a primitive Sebacean from a backwards planet.

Not that being passive aggressive helped clear the air. She was still in a huff when they made their way to bed. Maybe she should have just hit him earlier and got it over with? It was still a tempting proposition.

Or maybe she should have murdered him? But where would she hide the body? And who would help her hide the body now Chiana had left Moya? And how would she keep it from Deke and Joolie? All this she wondered while undressing, harrumphing her way beneath the sheet and tucking it around her back, which she ensured remained turned defensively towards John the whole time.

“What was that?” John asked as she felt the bed lift in response to his entry. Frell, she must have been muttering to herself again.

“Nothing… dear!” she snapped back, trying to colour the words with enough snark that John would understand her displeasure about his earlier TV faux-pas. “I didn’t say anything.” She could feel the heat and weight of his body moving up close to her back. Did he really think she was in the mood to frell, or even spoon with him?

A sharp elbow to his ribs disabused him of that stupid Crichton-plan and caused him to gasp and retreat. She seized the opportunity to claim the rest of the sheet, wrapping herself in it and so both shielding herself from his advances and denying him the use of it at the same time. She allowed herself the smallest smile at her little victory.

“Ow! That hurt!” he protested.

“What?” She feigned innocence. Another useful strategy she had learnt from Pilot. “Oh, I was asleep. You should be too. We’ve a long day tomorrow.” She paused for a microt to allow him one last chance to apologise for his misdemeanours. He didn’t. “Good night, Crichton.” She stated flatly and lifted then banged her head firmly and with great finality against the pillow. 

Aeryn heard her husband sigh and felt him settle back heavily onto the bed. If he didn’t know what was upsetting her, there was no way she was going to tell him. Frell him! He ought to Just Know!

He tossed and turned a few more times and then inflicted the greatest iniquity of all. He began to snore.

Aeryn seethed. She tossed, she turned, she prodded him – gently, in order to maintain plausible deniability should he awaken and ask what she was doing. She even tried pinching his nose. He just ended up snoring louder.

John could be an utter, utter…. Utter insufferable frelling drannit at times! She wanted to scream!

She wondered about going back to her own quarters. But then John would ask her why and that would lead to a conversation about why and then he would twist all her words and make it sound like she was being unreasonable and it was all her fault! Typical male!

And so, imagining all of the ways that she might exact revenge on him tomorrow, and all the ways that she would ensure her possession of the treasured TV remote tomorrow evening, Aeryn eventually fell into a fitful and unrestful sleep.

 

The end


End file.
